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Here’s What It’s Like To Be Stoned And Hungry At Whole Foods’ New 365 Store

On Wednesday, Whole Foods introduced a new, more inexpensive iteration of its organic khaki grocery series: 365 by Whole Foods Market.

According to the website, the accumulates furnish availability and everyday low prices on natural and organic products that fulfill the company’s industry-leading standards for tone. Naturally, the flagship pantry debuted in Silver Lake, a Neutra-ass, Subarus and seltzer neighborhood in Los Angeles.

We decided to get lit and check it out as we, The KIND, are dedicated to covering all new lighthouses of busines and cultural activities in this modern age, appropriately toasted.

I approached the steely facility after a medium quantity of bong rips and recognise the last hour I’d been in this parking lot I was boozing coolers by Bartles& Jaymes in my roommate’s gondola after parcelling it in at the Cha Cha Lounge. Things were quite different now.

A militant parking guide swiftly cut short my nostalgic dream and impressed a stressful parking feeling deep within my middle. I spoke f* ck it and went back out onto the prime street and spotted an open parking meter with 50 minutes left. Truly anointed.

As I walked to the enter, crowds of people poured in and out of the accumulation, or mingled and tightened in spots designed for mingle and relaxing.

The place was packed.

I had come here on a half-baked feeling for an section, but who on this stupid soil would eagerly swim this opening day audience for lower-priced quinoa? It seemed outrageous and masochistic. What did Shakespeare say about a Trader Joe’s by any other mention?

I ventured to make a speedy lap through the bustling, mechanical inclination warehouse of food. Quick, unfortunately, it wouldn’t be.

Nobody moves slower than cared-for white people store for nutrient while well-fed.

I came to a salad passage. I’m pretty sure this was a plot point in that movie Sunshine starring Cillian Murphy. Behold, the entrance to the salad passage, it beckoned me…

Here I was, deep inside the passageway of salad.


It was celebrated by awfulness.


The staff, like soldiers prepared for a beach disembark, were seriously hard at work.

I acknowledged them, and utterly detected bad about the unpleasantness of the majority of the clientele construction workers had to deal with this hectic opening day. Odd styles abounded.

Looky-loos and nitpickers crowded the infertile routes. Cute moms with cute brats failed to efficiently cart.

The thicket of meandering mass was giving me feeling. The interior design was strict, plastic, some distorted, unfeeling Milton Glaser look forming the effect that I were some colorful lab rat.


Did I smoke too much toilet? A sign informed me it was all good.

Conveniently targeted above a selection of wine, the opiate of this demo’s masses. Nice try, capitalism.


…Then I discovered a bar.

The desire for a plain beer exactly practically trumped the chip on my shoulder avoiding me from prescribing one.

I imagined perhaps I should try some of the prepared meat, in the name of investigation and in the name of not gobbling lunch yet and rending three bowl of White Fire OG on the way over.


Alas, the line was extremely daunting to overcome so I promptly left.

On the lane residence I guessed,

Why is it that some grocery store feel like residence and other’s like a conflict? I don’t know, husband, they’re exactly grocery stores. Ha. Just convenience store. Sure, Alan.

This post was initially written by Alan Hanson for The Kind .


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